Stupid Cold …

I shouldn’t have ignored the warning signs for as long as I did cos there is nothing worse than a cold sneaking up on you midweek and life is still expected to go on despite bleary eyes, tissues all over the place, nose dripping, body aching and generally feeling like shit. I just wish that the world wasn’t conspiring to slather me in hand sanitizer and then put me in a bubble. Ok, I haven’t heard anything out loud and I have seen no concrete plans but from the way everyone whips out those mini bottles with clear liquid in them when I even look like I’m going to sneeze I wouldn’t be surprised. My only comfort today has been my ginger tea with lemon and honey – I swear its like drinking a hug, nothing like it.

Since half of last week was a holiday there was lots going on and I do think that my over doing it on Wednesday, Thursday and part of Friday was the reason that my immune system was breached. Even spending the weekend in chill mode detoxing couldn’t help.  I think I have finally reached that stage in life when 2 hours sleep is not enough to sustain me for a jam packed 36 hours … tragic really. I had a good run while that period lasted though. It was totally fun, as far as Thanksgivings go this may have been the best one yet. Good food, good company, good times. There were lots of people from out of town visiting that I got to catch up with and I totally needed to let loose and enjoy myself a little before confronting the stresses of life.

During one of the get togethers I happened to bump into someone I used to have a total crush on a while back. It was ridiculous how I would react when this dude was in the room – flutters in my tummy, my hand would start flipping my hair with no prompting whatsoever from my brain, eyelashes would be batted … gosh. Let’s just say in my mind when he stepped into a room all lights dimmed, there was a spotlight on him and sexy saxophone music would start playing. Sometimes a smoke machine would be in full effect but those stories will be told later. I had a thing for him and I couldn’t even explain why, there was just something about him I found intriguing. Yes I know my love for trashy romance novels and cheesy movies is showing with my descriptions, it’s a thing with me. Just focus on the imagery and don’t dwell on these side issues.

Anyhoo. Thing is I met him this past week and there was nothing. Like absolutely nothing there. Not even a hint of the fireworks or anything. Just a normal everyday conversation between two people. It’s like all of a sudden the off switch was flicked for some reason or another. Is it that I have changed that drastically and quickly or was the haze of infatuation and lust that blinded me? Regardless, I found it very curious and so did he (I have been known to be an outrageous flirt when I put my mind to it and he wondered where our special banter had fizzled off to) but bygones. It’s just a reminder not to let the hormones dictate your life and to let your brain do the thinking, not other parts of you.

I had started off wanting to write about empathy and how I met someone who seemed to have none at all then as usual my mind wandered and my fingers started typing their own random things. Next time I guess – this cold of mine is making everything, even thinking and typing seem like such a big deal and making the thought of bed and blankets sound like the best thing ever. As a side note, for those who have not yet watched Shuga, go ahead and do so. Totally awesome though a shame that its only three episodes long. And for those who are wondering what all hey hype is about, just go in with no expectations like I did and maybe you will be pleasantly surprised.

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Bits and Pieces

bbb289108Cancelled my plans for the afternoon cos it looks like it will rain … ok, that’s just an excuse to stay in. I need a day alone where I can just chill in my jammies and do a few things before the weekend is up. Not to mention today is not one of the days where I can even pretend to be in the mood to socialize so some time by myself is most welcome.

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Most adorable thing I’ve seen this week: 3 year old talking to her mother on the phone “Look mommy, I made you a picture!” *plonks phone down on said picture* “See? Do you like it?” My ‘awwwww’ could be heard around the world.

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Statement that thoroughly amused me this week – “I need to get banged like a screen door in a hurricane.” Going through a dry spell will do wonders for an individual when it comes to painting a picture.

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Wooooi, me and my Wendy issues. They don’t seem to be going away fast enough. But I am proud of the fact that I can now glance at my phone and hit the ignore button without feeling like I’m doing the wrong thing or that I’m a bad person. People looking to be reassured about shit in the middle of the night will either have to start paying a shrink or find someone who will indulge them. Like I was discussing with someone earlier this week, any relationship in life goes two ways. Even me I have my own shadow to reattach. I must say though, it felt kinda strange but I’m at the point in life where I have to start drawing lines and not let anyone erase them just because they claim they love me.

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Men need to understand that some things women will talk about. If you are handsy with your girlfriends pals and attempt to force massages (and other things) on them that story will get back to her and explanations about how you are just “friendly” will lead to telenovella like conclusions. If its one thing women hate its to be disparaged and condescended to. Its not worth making her feel stupid just so you can save face, sometimes shit just hits the fan and all you can do is wait for it to be over.

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This 50 cent song already has guys lifting lines off it to use on women. Its like really? Seriously? Telling a woman that you will fuck her like a porn star is not endearing or cute, its creepy. And you are not the only bright spark yelling out “have a baby by me baby!” I’m starting to think that these kind of dudes do these things just to be annoying cos no way does acting that way make the ladies come flocking. It’s amazing how many guys there are out there okay with acting in a way that makes them seem like the S.I unit of sleaze.

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Musical obsession of the weekend = Telephone by Lady Gaga and Beyonce, especially since someone was kind enough to send an mp3 of it to my inbox. It will be on repeat until I find something else to replace it with but for now I’ll be turning up the volume and letting it rearrange my heartbeat for the next few days.

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I was discussing Twilight (I know some of you reading this want to skip this already, don’t! I didn’t become a fan all of a sudden) with some people and this joke came to mind – Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend? A: See you next month. Its hilarious how there exist people who get more grossed out than I do, and that’s saying a lot. After a few anecdotes about crime scene sex and how one gets their red wings (if you don’t know, google or figure it out) and we got back to discussing the movie/books I’m still perplexed as to why everyone is obsessed with vampires. Its one of those things I may never understand.

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With the long week ahead of me I’m sad its Sunday afternoon already – cant the week start a few days late? Sigh. I guess its time for me to stop randomly blogging and actually get down to business.

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All We Need Is Love

“I’m FILLED with Christ’s love! You are just jealous of my relationship with the Lord!”

The above quote is from the movie “Saved!” which I had the pleasure of rewatching this past weekend. It pretty much sums up part of my conversation with someone who told me that I would go to hell for being an enabler of “the homosexuals.” That my soul is in peril for not condemning “unnatural” behaviour and when I said that since the key word in Christianity is Christ to show me where Jesus is against gay people … well, read the quote above. The only thing missing for it to be life imitating art is if she had thrown a bible at me and attempted to perform an exorcism. Oh, and apparently I should be more careful about voicing my support for the LGBT community since folks might reckon I am “one of them.”

I wont even go into the issue of someone speculating on the state of my soul or my spiritual life when we could be at best be considered casual acquaintances. What I do find unsettling is people justifying their bigotry by hiding behind bible verses. This pick and chose nonsense is what irks me. If you are going to quote me the laws book of Leviticus and the least you can do is prove to me that you are pro killing people who do not observe the Sabbath, that when you own a shamba somewhere you will not plant two different crops on the plot and that all clothes you own are not made from two different types of thread. There’s more, though none spring to mind at the moment. Point is, some “Christians” have the uncanny ability to ignore what they consider to be the outdated parts of the bible (yeah, cos slavery though sanctioned isn’t thought to be cool anymore) until a debate like this comes up and then all of a sudden they are literalists and can start chanting those bible verses as a way of justifying their homophobia. You cant have it both ways.

“Two Kenyan men wed in London”

The newspaper article that brought to light a whole lot of foolishness. I read the article and I knew the comment section would be full of gay bashing, irrationally paranoid, pontificating folks. I had planned to blog about it and then I actually read the comments. I was left speechless, I really was (anyone who knows me and my ability to be long winded and babble on about nothing for long periods of time knows this doesn’t happen very often). Though there are comments in support of the newly weds there are a lot more going on and on about how to “be ware of men who braid their hair and wear earrings” cos that is a path to gayism. Speculation as to what their sex lives must be like. Blaming the “west” and its propaganda for homosexuality. Hoping that the two men face the same fate as Sodom and Gomorrah (how very Christian of them). Pseudo science about how being gay might be genetic but it’s obviously a biological malfunction and thus LGBT folks should be classified as disabled. This is just a sampling, there is much much more at the link.

I’m not under any illusion that Kenya as a society (this includes those in the diaspora) isn’t generally homophobic – there is no doubt in my mind about that. That doesn’t mean that I will use that as an excuse and hide behind that veil under the impression that “its just the way things are and how they should remain.” The obsession with what individuals do with their lives just because they are of a different sexual orientation is one that needs to end – as long as it is between two consensual adults and its safe what exactly is the problem? Pili pili usioila yakuwashia nini?

Slap gays” and “exerting masculinity and standing up to be counted”

Via twitter, I happened upon a podcast and following that a blog post that said that two radio presenters, Nick and Marcus from Classic FM, were generally, gay bashing and specifically advocating for slapping gay people.

… I don’t even know where to begin. Caroline Mutoko (Kiss FM) when contacted for info so that those who found the conversation tasteless and inciting violence could coney their dismay said that … well, I’ll just post her email, and that of one of the dj’s cos there is so much wrong with what they said its hard to paraphrase.

Dear Paula;
Please find Marcus’s response below and I have listened back to the session and wile I accept that they had too much of a good
Time, at the expense of the gay people amongst us, they handled the issue pretty well.

Let’s also not be pretentious, this is Kenya and we are more homophobic that any other nation in the region.
Marcus and Nick are simply exerting their masculinity above all other men and standing to be counted.
The majority of their audience expect nothing less and yes the majority of their audience is the average Kenyan
who finds the whole gay marriage issue unpalatable.

Caroline Mutoko.

—— Forwarded Message
From: Marcus Kwikiriza
Date: Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:20:10 +0300
To: Caroline Mutoko <
Subject: RE: Gay bashing on Classic FM MUST STOP

Well, I guess they are listening.

Plus the question was, Is it a natural thing(which we shall respect) or is it ujinga that can be cured by a slap? It was a question opened to the public. She could have called and given her two cents……FYI

Exerting masculinity? Is Caroline Mutoko aware that this is the excuse given to justify raping lesbians to “teach them a lesson” and to “cure” them? Is she aware that violence against the LGBT community is sometimes as a result of exertion of said “masculinity”? Does her co-signing Nick and Marcus’ topic of discussion mean that she is fine with this kind of behaviour and it is normal because Kenya and other nations are homophobic? And what in the hell does “standing up to be counted” mean anyway – its like she is implying that the presence of gay people in this world makes the two presenters feel less manly and their diatribe of hate is justified.

Marcus’ response isn’t any better. Reveling in the fact that outrage means people are listening and saying that it was merely an inquiry into whether being gay is something that can be cured by slapping does not exonerate him in the least. What pisses me off is how blasé  they were about the whole incident and dismiss gay Kenyans as less than human so its okay to have a little “fun” at their expense and ask if slapping someone will change their sexual orientation. This dehumanizing of human beings makes it that much easier to spread hatred. The people who make up the LGBT community are not aliens from outer space. They are our brothers, our sisters, our mothers and fathers, our friends, our relatives … not so easy to ask if being gay can be slapped out of someone when it might be someone you care about, is it? It certainly isn’t my idea of a fun time – I generally don’t advocate violence towards my fellow human beings and if others are okay with the idea of having a loved one slapped silly then there is more wrong with them than finding homosexuality unsettling.

SILENCE IS CONSENT

Statistically speaking, most people already know a gay person even though they may not be out. By virtue of the large extended families most Kenyans belong to (your mother’s cousin’s niece’s stepchild is still your relative) chances are you are related to one. Is it any wonder that some lead double lives when they hear people discuss them like they are some sort of anomaly and less than human? When violence against them is only discussed when people casually discuss if its okay to use it to “change their ways”? That their worth as human beings is so little that they can be in the same breath, vilified for simply living their lives and dismissed as being worth nothing?

The danger of a single story is one that we must actively push back against. Write/call to the presenters and let them know that hatred against fellow Kenyans will not be tolerated. Speak up when folks around you speak of LGBT people like they are sub human or beneath them. And for goodness’ sake, don’t go around calling things you don’t like “gay’ or saying “no homo” all the time – its not edgy, its ignorant and not to mention stupid.

Homosexuality is not unnatural. What is unnatural is sexual violence against children and women. Unnatural is politicians who fuck up our country and then pretend that its for our own good. Unnatural is people going hungry and dying in a country that is as blessed as Kenya. Unnatural is hatred toward our fellow human beings who think, feel, cry, laugh, love and live just like we do. If you are lucky and have someone in your life who loves you just as you are go and give them a hug.- if there is anything this world can use more of, its love.

*Many thanks to Paula Kahumbu for bringing this story to the attention of many and speaking out against hatred.

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Sigh …

i r sulkingSo far today I have managed to trip (over nothing might I add, I dont know how these things happen) and twist both my ankle and my wrist, pull a muscle when doing yoga and then shoes that I have worn a million times with no issues decide to give me a blister. Its not even lunch time yet and I want to go hide in a corner somewhere and sulk.

I picked one hell of a week to quit smoking – the only thing that could top what I think a hit of nicotine would feel like right now is like a nice steak wrapped in tiramisu and covered in dark chocolate and strawberries. Yeah, its that serious. Crossing my fingers and hoping the second part of my day goes better than my first.

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Breast Cancer Awareness Month

BreastCancerRibbon-7105391About a year ago I lost my aunt to breast cancer. It really hit me hard, cos even as I get older, dealing with death is something I have to get used to. I don’t want to have to learn how to accept that someone who you always thought would be around is no longer there to talk to. That no matter how many conversations you have had, there will always be so much left unsaid. That her not being around means no more spontaneous dancing when I show up at her front door or her calling just to let me know she was thinking and praying for me.

So, this being October and breast cancer awareness month here is my list of do’s and don’ts for not only this month but for the future.

DO: find out your family medical history. Yes, even if you are male (men get breast cancer too). If breast cancer, or any other kind is a recurring theme in the list of ailments your immediate and extended family don’t resign yourself to fate or shrug it off and hope that it wont happen to you. Gather facts, go for your yearly check up and try to live as healthy as possible. Remember, to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

DON’T: neglect yourself or put your health and needs on the back burner. With life throwing everything at you it may seem easier to just put off going to the doctor, be too busy to take a moment to slow down and just breathe and find yourself further and further down your list of priorities. My mother gave me the best advice ever when I was going through a really rough patch – “number one on your list of important things should be YOU. If you aren’t ok, nothing else will work out.”

DO: find a way to support breast cancer research. Find and research charities and organizations who are involved in such endevours. Get someone to sponsor you for a run and if you can afford it, give money yourself. Whatever you end up giving may seem like a drop in the bucket but every little bit helps.

DON’T: just randomly hand out cash to any organization that says they are for breast cancer research. Do some digging, find out how much of the money you give will actually go towards finding a cure and how much will go into overhead. Beware of pink washing too – just because the yoghurt has a pink ribbon on it doesn’t mean that its there for anything more than marketing purposes. The feel good factor is not worth all the hype – some serious digging will be required to make sure that you aren’t duped out of your hard earned cash.

DO: learn to love and let go. Let those closest to you know that you appreciate them because the time the have on this earth is finite. Spend less time holding grudges, waiting for apologies from those who did you wrong and being bitter about what could have been or shouldn’t have happened. Cancer or no, one of the best things about being alive is your family and friends so go out and hug and kiss them and let them know just how awesome they are.

DON’T: allow toxic people to contaminate your life. As hard as it may be, sometimes its better to just walk away from situations and people – a clean break. Don’t allow them to drain you of your enthusiasm for life. Let go of the guilt about being selfish with your time and energy. Maybe in time things will change and you wont have the need to cut people out of your life anymore but don’t hold your breath. Take your time and just do what’s best for you.

Sometimes the whole “lets make it sexy” angle of breast cancer month irritates me. Its like, “save the bewbs!” and “think of the ta-tas” and whatnot. I understand that they have to get peoples attention somehow but severing the women behind those revered cleavages and push up bras from the outreach kinda defeats the purpose as far as I’m concerned. The first thing people think when they have lost someone to breast cancer is not “she had a great pair of tits, they will be missed” but more about how awesome they were as individuals. That’s who we should be celebrating, the women (and men) whether they survived or not. Regardless, I hope that the incessant campaign will inspire people to go out and get check ups and give support where its needed.

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Things I Learned From TV

Ok, I had a henna tutorial planned for Project Asilia and Nappturality, which is my go to place for info gathering is apparently down for maintenance so I figured since I had planned to do some blogging anyway I might as well spend a few minutes letting my mind wander.

trueblood-mouth2I’ve been watching True Blood the past couple of weeks and all I can say is, I don’t get the hype. Is it perfectly nice to watch and to have in the background as you do other things? Yeah. Has it inspired me to new levels of fandom like Battlestar Galactica? No. This is why I tend to watch some series after the hype is all gone and people have stopped raving about it – I think I had my expectations set a little too high. I do see the appeal though, but after hearing that Bill Compton character growl ‘Suh-kee!” (Sookie is who the story revolves around) one to many times I think I would have been better off reading the book the series was based on first. Or maybe the whole vampire craze that is going on is just not my thing.

Apart from the many things I can go into about the series (I have a running commentary, whether internal or out loud going on as I watch/read/listen to some stuff. I have had to analyse literature for school stuff and relate it to my life. If I don’t put it to use doing overly close readings of things then my parents wont have gotten their moneys worth) what I did notice was that they kind of gloss over the creepiness.

Ok, one of the storylines is that Jessica, a “new vampire” falls in love and does the deed with Hoyt, a human. When she was “turned” she was only 17 and still a virgin and the dude is like 28 I think … almost thirty. All I could think of was OMG, statutory rape! But does it matter if she is technically undead? Cos in my mind, she is a teenager, acts like one so is all that nullified just cos she wont ever age? Ama is it because she is no longer of the living? Weird. Still found it creepy though.

anna-nicole-smith1Most of the time when age difference comes up its cos they usually say the younger person is being taken advantage of in some way. When it involves adults with big age gaps it usually goes like eww! I don’t even have to go into explain– exhibit 1 is Anna Nicole Smith and her husband. Considering the fact that some of these vampires are hundreds or thousands of years maybe it’s okay cos they don’t look it. Or they are stuck in time and remain the age at which they were turned forever. In which case, the whole Jessica/Hoyt thing is still creepy.

So, since the stories we watch on tv and at the movies are both a reflection and an influence on popular culture this is what I have learned so far:

1. Vampire sex is hot. I mean, technically its necrophelia cos they are dead but those are just details that suck all the fun out of it.

2. If you are an adult hooking up with another adult and the age difference is big make sure that the elder in question is hot. Or undead. A combination of both is best really.

and

3. If they are part of the undead/supernatural set, vampire is always the way to go. Kinda hard to get it on with a zombie since rigor mortis has already set in and who the hell knows what a shape shifter will turn into in the throes of passion.

Up next in life lessons – chick flicks and why they convinced me candles are the source of drama in relationships.

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Random Thoughts on Dating

My issues with dating have mostly to do with semantics. It’s like the minute what I know to be hanging out is labeled a date I become a bundle of wretched wretched nerves and things just end all confused.

I’m not much of a date person. Well, date in the traditional sense. I’m not one of those people who have to be out with a different person three or four times a week to feel like I am out there. I always figure I’ll just do what I normally do and chances are if I connect with someone I will gravitate towards them or vice versa.

muteScenario One: The Mute

After being told to stop over thinking everything and being overly dramatic with the whole date label thing I decided that it couldn’t be so bad, right? If as people say my hanging out with some guys could technically be in the dating category I decided to have a change in attitude. No more arbitrary boundaries. So, someone asked me out for drinks and I was like O.K, twende basi. I am labeling this a date and its all good.

A few hours later he and I are on our way to happy hour and I realize, haki I have never heard this dude talk. Like, he is in a group of people as they talk but no contribution to the convo from him. I’m like haiya-ye what in the world did I get myself into. Cos im there talking myself hoarse and he just nods sagely and I’m thinking holy crap, SPEAK goddamit! Contrary to popular opinion I don’t like the sound of my voice enough to keep yapping to myself for endless chunks of time. It’s why they call it “beating” stories: participate! On cannot be in a fight like this all by their lonesome.

Anyhoo. We get to the place and still silence. He just sits there looking at his beer and me and nodding and answering questions with sentences that contain less that ten words (I didn’t even know that was possible – I have a hard enough time tweeting and this dude summarizes with no effort … the mind boggles). I always thought small talk was easy to make. Keep away from things like sex religion and politics and we will be good, right? I mean, so many things to talk about. We are both transplants from other countries in a foreign land – tell me about where you are from. We met at a place where we both volunteer – what motivated you to give up some of your time a few days a week? Do you like sci fi? Lets talk about that! I swear, I tried everything. Just more nodding and staring and me the more nervous I get the more I blather on and on. A few gin and tonics later it was like I was on auto pilot. Somewhere, there is a story being told/tweeted/blogged/facebooked about the time he went out with this Kenyan chick who would not.stop.talking!

The one weird moment was when he reached out and touched my locs. Just randomly and me I’m left thinking I really need to get one of these cos you don’t just go randomly touching peoples hair, how rude! I was told later I might have been misreading his gesture maybe those are his special moves but I don’t think so. Who just grabs a fistful of someones hair and then lingers? On a first date? In public? Methinks he was just curious to see what the hair felt like and he couldn’t help the impulse.

It doesn’t help that I really am a shy person and it takes a while to open up to people. Even though I am an introvert at heart having parents who are extroverts by nature has cured me of some of my self consciousness. They are always like, there are 6 billion people in the world, no one really cares that much about what you are doing, they have their own lives to live. That doesn’t mean I don’t like to hide in a crowd though. There are times where one on one conversation may seem like the easiest thing in the world and other times the hardest. And for those times its hard a buffer zone is needed to stop things spiraling into something like a very awkward scene from those crap romantic comedies.

ass in holeScenario Two: The Asshole

We all have asshole tendencies. Even Mother Theresa must have had a few off days, its just the way humans are wired. Thing is, we keep it to a level where interaction with others is not a painful, drawn out experience.

I go for a bbq one weekend and I walk in and I’m told ooooh, there is someone here who would be perfect for you! Come and meet him! I was thinking whatever. No way can any interaction be anymore awkward than the one with The Mute. After telling them that no, hooking me up with your friends/cellotape relatives is not the way to go (knowing older Kenyans tends to end up in a lot of these moments for some reason where they feel its up to them to play matchmaker. Why, I don’t know) I get my drink and decide to be polite and talk to him a while and then move on to other people.

After I say hi he goes like “is that drink for me?” I’m like, uhm say what? The cooler is over there with the beer and if you want a stiff drink they are all in the kitchen. He gives me a look and then goes and gets one himself. So we get talking about random things and again, he asks some lady walking by to get him yet another beer and I was wondering, whats wrong with him? Like is he in pain when he walks? Why only send the women for the drinks and not the men? So, I asked cos I was curious. His reply? “It’s how Kenyans do things, the women wait on the men”. I didn’t hear the rest of his little speech about how women should cater to men’s every whim cos I was too busy thinking aaaah, that’s what all the looks were about when food was ready and I came back with one plate for me. I was supposed to fix him a plate even though its self service and his legs work fine. Also explains how he kept saying his roots were important to him (trust me, the only roots he meant were where men got their food before everyone else) and a whole bunch of other statements I had just brushed off.

Salaaaaaaaaaaleh!

Look, I know all about entitled African men in general and Kenyan ones in particular. My dad is one of them. A lot of my uncles and older cousins are part of the “the world revolves around me” set. Usually this is balanced by women who frankly just don’t care (my mother is one of the “I wont change my name cos I am my own person” career women) or indulge them just enough and draw a line somewhere. Me I have no such illusions. While I don’t plan to be a ball busting bitch please understand that I will under no circumstances “wait” on a man my age cos he feels its my duty to do so. Kubaff. And when he was saying ati its how Kenyans do things there was this look of disappointment on his face as he looked at me and I was like its on.

Since I know these kind of men so well I know what horrifies them. Women who drink and smoke. The ones who declare they have no interest in cooking or finding a man and so on and so forth. So that day I drank shots with abandon, lit my cigarettes with relish and went on and on about how I don’t even know how to akisha the stove in my apartment and how kids = ew. I did go a bit overboard (ok, a lot) but maaan was it fun. By the end of the evening he was keeping 30 paces from me and tsk tsk-ing me from a distance as he asked his cousin why she thought we would be a match. Apparently I’m not the nice Kikuyu girl he had been told I was.

In this case fine, I was probably an asshole too. But if you are 25, living in the 21st century and act more entitled than my father who is almost 60 and was the only boy out of 6 children then sorry, there is no redemption.

I guess what really gets to me about a date is that sometimes, it seems like all a façade. I mean, you dress up a certain way and you have the right repertoire of info about yourself to make you sound intriguing and just enough funny stories to make you seem exciting and … I don’t know. Sub consciously we all do it, right? It’s not like when you meet someone, anyone, you go ahead and tell them everything bad that’s about you first. For them to accept the truly horrid parts of you they have to know what your redeeming qualities are first. But … I don’t know. It seems heightened someone when you are out on a date. At least for me it does. It may all come down to semantics but I am way more relaxed when just hanging out with someone and there is some flirting going on and while on a date and I feel like I’m being inspected. I’m not sure if the difference is coming across. Cos a date is a time you get to know someone and they get to know you and that’s what it boils down to, whether I call it dating or hanging out or whatever. Man, this made so much more sense in my head.

Scenario Three: The Quasi-Christian

Another group of people I tend to know very well is the religious (i.e Christian) folk. My father is Pentecostal and very much into it, my mother is Catholic and devout and I have family members who belong to every sect imaginable (it’s the law of averages. Have an extended family big enough and eventually, you will see it all). So, I speak the “language” and know where lines are drawn for both them and me. I have no qualms about dating/hanging out with religious people, just leave my spiritual path the fuck alone is my motto. You do you and I do me. And sometimes, it actually works. We may not end up together but I have made very good friends and met some awesome people.

Ok, this dude I have known a while and I start hanging out/dating. No big deal, neither of us is looking for anything serious. He is quasi religious which is something I will get into later. We have fun, we talk and do random things together and yet, no pressure. So one day we go for a birthday dinner which of course runs long cos its one of those resturants where they say “the party cannot be seated until everyone has arrived” and Kenyans and timing … anyway. Club hopping ensues and at some point we end up arriving earlier than everyone else at some random place. So, in the middle of things getting physical he pushes me away and says “come to church with me tomorrow.” I’m too stunned to even squeak out an “ati?” cos I’m not understanding. A back and forth about this ridiculous notion that I will accompany him to church begins. I ask why, he says just cos. I accuse him of trying to sabotage the night for reasons I wont bring up here and he’s like no, I’m serious. He kept persisting, even after I told him I wont go to church and if I were to go, I’m going for mass and you aren’t catholic soo … give it up. At this point I’m pissed like you wouldn’t even imagine and I’ve decided to get drunk since 1.the moment/mood is gone 2.its clear this dude has issues – he wants to sin on Saturday night but be cleansed on Sunday morning and take the heathen woman he was with so as to score further redemption points. Needless to say, he went to church alone the next day and it was a few weeks until he figured that I didn’t appreciate his trying to make me have a come to Jesus moment in a club when we are both tipsy and he stopped calling.

Ok, considering the past summer, not all of my dating experiences were bad. I actually had fun even though I am more of a hanging out kinda person and not an on the hunt kinda girl. The whole doing what I do and I will gravitate towards people or they me has worked out pretty well for me and there is no need to mess with a winning formula. And the above are not the worst times I had out but they stood out a lot for some reason, I’m not sure why. And while I’m sure I’ll keep being told that it’s all semantics when it comes to this subject, for now, my approach works and that’s cool.

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